An important observation to note is that whenever we talk about God we employ the word ‘HE’. Why HE? Why not SHE? Of course, one can say that we look upon God as our father, the protector. But I can say that in your own opinion God created us, and as a mother creates a child in her womb, why not look upon God as our mother, the creator?

Maybe the basis of our calling God as a HE is that since the beginning of human existence, society has generally been male dominant. So when the concept of God was being formed, this authority of male over female, or maybe even the male chauvinistic view of male superiority made the Theists form the concept and image of God as a HE.

I don’t disbelieve in God. It is just that my concept of God is different from the accepted norm by the average person. For me, the knowledge of self is being one with God. This knowledge should be perfect because anything less than perfect can not be free from conditions. And conditions arise from a state of dependency, inadequacy or incompleteness. Any dependency or incompleteness can not be God, so imperfect knowledge is not God. Only True, Perfect and Absolute knowledge is GOD. This knowledge uplifts a human, enlightening his being, his spirit and makes him one with God.

I call God the seed of the universe, the ‘Purusha‘, who due to the very nature of its energy (which is eternally unstable) created another energy field ‘Prakriti‘, the matter – the Mother Nature and together their oneness was the cause of the birth of the universe in a singular moment – the Big Bang.

… I let my imagination free. I lie down to relax. I close my eyes and open my mind. I imagine my formless existence in the universe. I see the planets, the solar systems, the stars, the galaxies around me. I start going back in time. The galaxies start disintegrating, going back to being cosmic dust. I see matter in its most primitive and basic form. I see mutually disintegrating particles – electron, positron, neutron, neutrino, proton, anti-proton. I see them interact. Electron with Positron. They vanish. Nothing but pure energy is left behind as residue. I see Neutrons colliding with Neutrinos. They all vanish leaving behind pure energy. I see Protons colliding with anti-Protons. Pure energy is left.

A massless state where nothing else exists except pure energy in the vast emptiness. It all took billions of years to happen. It all happened in an instant. I imagine that must have been the way matter and later on what we call the universe, originated.

In one moment there is Nothing. In another existence explodes into being. Before this existence there was nothing. Just massless energy in an endless void. The non-existent entity. There was oneness between ‘Prakriti’ – the matter and ‘Purush’ the consciousness. Yet, it was all ‘Shunya’ – zero – nothing. From this nothing there were two. Then there was everything. This Shunya is GOD. The massless energy. That void holding in its womb the unborn universe is the GOD I believe in. That is the GOD I Know.

Dialogues with myself

The above thoughts, or 'Dialogues with Myself', were a big part of my adolescent years, where not content with the way society and religion spoke about God and many other things and expected us kids to accept everything without questioning, since they knew better, I tried to debate against their beliefs using my own beliefs reached at by my logical understanding on the subject.

I was unwilling to accept their answers at face value and thus many questions arose in my heart, my mind, my soul for which I sought for the answers within. This gave rise to further questions that seemingly were posed by my own conditioning, the value system given by my family, related and unrelated elders, my education and the society, and I tried to find answers to these as well.

There will be more such posts of 'Dialogues with Myself' where I am questioning the existing norms and wisdoms of the society. Some of my thoughts and answers I reached back then in my high school and early college days are still relevant to me, some I have outgrown and yet some others I have built upon later as my thoughts and understanding matured and life experiences taught me more about others and myself.